The Time We Get to Keep
by Oldach's Dream
Summary: And now that the fight to stay afloat was over, it was time to lie down and rest. A Naley oneshot that takes place not long after Nathan starts recovering. Season five, obviously; minor spoilers.


Author: Oldach's Dream

Disclaimer: Not mine

Summary: And now that the fight to stay afloat was over, it was time to lie down and rest. A Naley oneshot that takes place not long after Nathan starts recovering. Season five, obviously, minor spoilers.

The Time We Get to Keep

Brooke Davis sighed loudly on the other end of the phone line and Haley couldn't help but feel marginally guilty for her rant.

"Look, Brooke," she sighed a sigh of her own, tired all of a sudden, "I'm sorry, I don't know where this is coming from, I just…" struggling to find the words, she gave up after a few moments, letting her hands fall heavily on her class appropriate white skirt, "I don't know."

"I just don't understand the doom and gloom, tutor-mom," Brooke's familiar nickname for her brought inexplicable tears to her eyes, which she quickly blinked away and ignored. "I mean, a month ago? Yeah, I would have hated to have been in your position, but Haley…Nathan chose you. He's walking again, he's coaching that dim Tim wannabe-"

"Quentin." Haley filled in, sniffling a bit as her friend went on.

"Yeah," Brooke continued, "And you guys are happy now. Right?" There was almost fear in her tone. Haley found it hard to remember sometimes that their friends looked to her and Nathan's marriage as some sort of beacon for hope. They'd made it through so much together, she knew that Lucas had used their love, a few years back, to try to get Peyton to give marriage a chance. She knew that Peyton had used it years before _that, _with Jake, in a desperate attempt to get over Lucas.

Sometimes it almost felt like a burden, knowing how many people looked to them for comfort.

"Yeah, we're happy," Haley confirmed. "It's all good. I just…"

"Is this about Carrie?" Brooke asked in that perceptive tone that she had.

"No," Haley shook her head, despite the fact that her friend couldn't see her. "No. Although I am glad that she took this week off."

"Maybe you should talk to Nathan about…you know, not needing her as much." Brooke suggested and Haley could picture her shoulders going up tentively, "I mean, now that me and Peyton are back in town, you've got even more people to watch the kid for free." Haley laughed a bit at that. "Plus, I'd love more time to get to know my godson."

"Maybe," Haley tried so hard to feel optimistic, "It just…that doesn't feel like enough, ya know? And I just…"

"Don't know?" Brooke guessed, "That seems to be your running theme today."

"I wish I knew what was wrong with me." Haley felt a tear slide down her face and was glad that she didn't have a class for another half an hour.

There was a long, long pause and Haley feared for a moment that she'd driven her friend to boredom. "Brooke?"

"Don't get mad at me, okay? But I have an idea, about why you're so sad all of a sudden." She warned, but Haley wouldn't really mind if Brooke was about to tell her she was PMSing and to get over it already, she just wanted someone else's opinion.

"Okay," Haley agreed, "What?"

"I think…" she heard Brooke take a deep breath, "I think that after Nathan's accident everyone was so focused on him getting better, and then adapting to a life with that stupid chair, and then it was all about his depression and you were taking care of James and…Lucas told me about it, how strong you were for him, for Nathan, for everybody and you're such an amazing person, an amazing mom, an amazing wife, for doing all that…"

"But?" Haley prompted, feeling truly touched by Brooke's compliments.

"But," the brunette went on, "I think that because all of that happened so fast and because so much of it was about Nathan and keeping Jamie safe from all of it…well, I don't think _you_ ever got a chance to grieve."

Haley was startled by her friend's words. "What? What did I have to grieve for? I mean, it was Nathan that lost his dream. And yeah, our marriage was…rough for months, but like you said, that's so much better now, and Jamie's happy and we're happy."

"Yeah, but Hun, it wasn't _just_ Nathan that lost his dreams," Brooke took a deep breath. "I _know _that you didn't marry Nathan because he was going to be a pro basketball player and I _know _that you're happy with the life that you have now, but Haley, he promised you a house in Seattle, houses all over the world and fame and success and dreams coming true."

"Brooke," Haley exclaimed, "It is _not _Nathan's fault that none of that happened. I mean, God, you think I _care_ that we don't have eighteen houses? Or a mote? Or thousands of dollars to waste? Brooke, I don't care. How can you think-"

"Because it's human nature." She interrupted, sounding patient and a little sad. "Because even if you know they mean nothing, you wanted them. You wanted all your dreams to come true."

"But they have," Haley insisted, she felt like crying again. "Brooke they have. I have a beautiful son and I have a husband, the man I love, who's finally back in my life. All the way back in. and I know we can make it. Through his rehab, my obnoxious students and the slut nanny from slut-donia," Haley was surprised with how bitter the last part came out, but took a deep breath and tried to forget about it.

"Look, Brooke, I'm sorry, but I'm not you. I didn't grow up with money. Not a whole lot of it, anyway. It wasn't hard for me to lose it because, in a way, I felt like it never should have been there in the first place." Haley breathed a little, speaking the truth, "I mean, yeah, I'm glad that we don't have to worry about bills, that we have enough money left over from the shoe contract to live comfortably for…well, forever. And maybe…maybe it was a little disappointing, knowing that I was never going to get fancy ballrooms and diamond tiaras and seven thousand dollar dresses but…so what? I got over that in the waiting room at the hospital the night of the fight."

There was a long pause and Haley thought at first she'd offended the other woman, but then she heard a sniffle and could hear the tears in Brooke's tone when she spoke again. "You're an amazing person, Haley James-Scott. Just incase I don't say it enough."

Haley laughed a watery laugh, "And you're an awesome Godmother, Brooke Davis."

They both took a minute to gather themselves together, Haley thought fleetingly that she'd have to charge her cell phone once she got home - and maybe get a new one sometime soon because this one had suck-ass battery life.

"Feel better, tutor-girl?" Brooke finally asked.

Haley thought about it. Her talk with Brooke had put some things into perspective and given her a few other things to consider. It was good to know that one of her best friends thought she was handling life so well right now and overall the girl talk _had _helped, but… "A little," she shrugged and wiped her eyes. "Maybe I'm just tired."

Brooke laughed, "Well, dinner tonight should help." She pointed out. "You, Nathan, my adorable Godson, Lucas and Peyton."

"Oh," Haley exclaimed, just remembering something, "Peyton can't make it."

"What?" Brooke questioned, disappointed. "It's our almost bi-weekly, not-quite-a-tradition-yet, get together and bitch about the world and life and work dinner. How can she miss that?"

"She's taking Mia to go see Michelle Branch and the three of them are going to talk afterwards. Peyton hopes it'll get Mia out of that shell she seems so deeply impeded into." Haley explained.

"Michelle Branch?" Brooke sounded confused. "I didn't know she was in concert around here."

"She's not," Haley smiled a little, picturing the confused look Brooke surly had on her face right now. "I mighta called in a little favor."

"Well, look at you go, Mrs. Rock Star," Brooke sounded impressed and Haley couldn't help but smile bigger.

"Yeah, well," she shrugged, "So, it's really my fault she won't be there. Tonight was the only night I could set this up for."

"It's all for the sake of good," Brooke sighed, "The five of us will be just fine on our own."

"Yeah," Haley startled as she heard the warning bell ring outside in the hallway, "Shoot, Brooke, I gotta go. I have a class in ten minutes."

"Alright, well, I'll see you tonight." Brooke paused for just a second, "Try to feel better, tutor-teacher."

Haley rolled her eyes. "You know that's kind of repetitive?"

"It's my nickname and it can be repetitive if I want it to be." Brooke insisted.

"Actually its _my _nickname." Haley pointed out.

"Whatever," and she could sense the eye roll. "I'll talk to you later tutor-teacher slash girl slash wife slash mom."

Haley shook her head but was smiling all the same, "Bye, Brooke."

o0oo0o

There was a little over an hour left before Lucas and Brooke were due to arrive at their home, and Haley was just pulling the lasagna out of the oven. Nathan was watching Jamie shoot baskets from the back porch, yelling little pointers here and there and standing at ready incase their son happened to fall.

It was an odd moment, this sense of complete normality. Her husband and son were in the backyard, the nanny wasn't there. It was just the three of them. Nathan, Haley and Jamie. The family. The unit. With all the love and happy things that she'd always wanted.

She was struck suddenly with the memory of the moment she knew that Nathan would be in her life forever, the moment she started falling in love with him. The day after their first kiss, when he'd come up to her outside during school and brushed her hair behind her ear in front of all his basketball buddies. It wouldn't seem even noteworthy now, but back then it had meant everything in their little world of high school dramatics. Looking back on it now, six years later…well, it just proved how far they all had come.

From a high school crush to a first _real _kiss to love to marriage to living together - officially - to fighting and the tour to coming home, rekindling their romance to the school shooting to Keith's death and Lucas's meltdown, Dan's confession, Karen's pregnancy - her own pregnancy, to having Jamie on graduation day.

And then to a life she'd loved, to Nathan's dream coming true and Jamie growing up and Luke apart of their lives in such a big way…and then the accident and the last four months. With so many extra things piled on top. School, family, buying cars, bailing Taylor out of jail, finals, the road trip with Nathan, Lucas, Bevin, Mouth and Skillz, being a student teacher, fighting, making up…

"Haley?" Nathan's concerned voice brought her out of her thoughts and it wasn't until she saw her husband's face that she realized she'd been crying a little. "What's wrong?" There was so much fear in his voice just then.

_If I cry a little, if I die a little, then at least I know I lived…_

She just forgot sometimes how painful the crying and dying really were. "Nothing," she shook her head, wiping her eyes and smiling weakly. "You should get back to Jamie, I'm almost done in here."

She turned around and started chopping the lettuce that was on the counter into salad-like pieces. She wasn't surprised at all when she heard Nathan coming towards her or when she felt his tentive hand on her shoulder.

"Hales?" His voice was hardly above a whisper, "What's wrong?"

She shook her head, but couldn't really manage words at the moment.

_And nothing's changed at all…_

But she'd been so wrong. Things always change. People change, circumstances change. Everything always changes. And sometimes it's all she could do to keep up.

Without warning she turned and threw her arms around Nathan's neck, grateful that he'd been leaning up against the counter, so her weight didn't make him lose his balance.

In a movement she'd been dependent on since the age of sixteen, she buried her face in the crook of Nathan's neck and breathed deep, trying not to sob.

_Just breathe. _

"Haley," he mumbled, slowly shifting his weight so he could wrap his arms around her back. "What is it? You're scaring me a little."

Quickly she shook her head. "Don't be scared."

"Then tell me what's going on," he pleaded with her. "Please, baby. Please."

"I'm just…I've been…" she tried to put into words what she'd been trying to explain to Brooke earlier, but what it all seemed to boil down to was, "God, Nathan, I'm just so tired." She sobbed a little, feeling weak at the display but knowing it was okay because this was Nathan. Her Nathan.

He held her tighter, not asking for an explanation beyond that. He understood.

It'd been months of Haley managing everything on her own. Starting a new job, taking care of Jamie, hell, taking care of Nathan. And she loved her husband, more than anything - except perhaps her son - but she was still just human. And now that the fight to stay afloat was over, it was time to lie down and rest.

"I'm sorry," the mumbled apology came from Nathan and Haley just nodded. She knew he was sorry. She knew things were different now. She knew that they'd get back to normal and stable and love and happiness and all the things she knew she wanted. And she knew that the struggle to get there would just make them so much better in the end.

But right now, right this moment…she just needed an interlude - as Lucas would say.

Slowly they pulled away, but they didn't part. Haley shot one instinctive glance over Nathan's shoulder and into the backyard to make sure Jamie was still playing safely - which he was -then her eyes drifted back to her husband.

She found nothing but love and security and tenderness in his gaze and she had to smile. Albeit tiredly.

Nathan's hand drifted up and caressed her cheek lovingly. "Go upstairs, Hales. Lie down for a little while. I'll take care of things."

"Nathan, dinner's in an hour." She reminded the man, feeling oddly empty at the thought of not being able to crawl into bed for however long she wanted. It was like, for so long now, going to bed had offered everything except comfort and actual rest. She knew that would be different now, but… "Brooke and Lucas are coming over-"

"Go upstairs, Hales. I'll take care of everything." Haley stared long and hard at her husband, wanting so much to put her trust back into him completely. She wanted it so much, to trust him all the way. She wanted it so much…

That she decided to make it happen.

"Okay," she whispered hoarsely, sneaking one last peak at their son in the backyard before closing her eyes and breathing deep.

_Don't think. Just trust. _

"Okay," she repeated, kissing Nathan for a long, soulful moment before letting go and backing out of the kitchen. Now that she knew the world wouldn't end, she was even more tired. So she was going to go upstairs and lie down, because it was her turn to rest now.

For the first time in four months, she knew her family would be safely waiting for her when she woke up.

Fin.


End file.
